Not quite awake yet, she patters out to the coffee maker in the kitchen. She knows the night before he prepped it with water and grounds. All she needs to do is flick the switch. She unloads the dishwasher while the coffee brews then takes a full mug out to the sunroom. As she begins to read, he patters into the kitchen to start breakfast.
It is the well-coordinated dance of marriage. Husbands and wives perform this dance with differing movements and rhythms than other couples—a dance all their own, choregraphed from the intimacy of knowing each other.
And how could each of us have known, all those years ago, when we fell in love….when the way he cracked his knuckle on the round of her shoulder when he put his arm around her sent shivers through her entire body…that intimacies would become more quotidian, but never the less, would still send a shock through her, knowing that he had locked all the doors and windows before bed, making certain she was safe and secure in their home for the night. And she, creating the tone and culture of the house, so that it is not just a place to sleep at night but a home, where they can truly be themselves.
These are the things we cannot explain to our children as they themselves fall in love, how deep this well can be dug. When love is more than surface and attraction and late nights talking until the sun comes up.
But that love is all the small things, turning on the outside light before bed, picking up milk when it is low or a hand on the small of the back as you pass. That all these things, especially done without tallying or grumbling, incrementally build a solid life for not only yourself but your children---and perhaps, one day, grandchildren.
It isn’t a cheap definition of love I’ve seen thrown around but then, how could we have known? We could not know until we sat in love for years, had the refining of forgiveness and trials, of illness or separation and realized that love is a choice you make every day, even when it is hard, especially when it is hard, until…it isn’t.
And that, is nothing short of holy---as it should be: this daily commitment to one another.
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This week I was published in Radiant Magazine for the first time! I write about how Prayer Doesn’t Always Look How You Think it Should.
The website for the Inaugural Winona Lake Christian Writers Conference is live. I’ll be faculty for a Spiritual Memoir Workshop. I hope you will join us. I just got back from visiting Winona Lake, Indiana. It is a special place and our line up is incredible.
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Thank you to my paid subscribers! This substack takes hours each week to put together. If I make you smile and look at the world a little rosier, please consider a paid subscription toward my student loan.
I have lost a few paid subscribers in the last month. Seems there is some sort of credit card issue with Substack. I have a goal of 12 more paid subscriptions for the year.
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This too, helps greatly.
All allows me to spend my time writing work that points towards the good in life.
Undaunted Joy: The Revolutionary Act of Cultivating Delight is available for pre-order here.
Not a half hour ago, my wife and I performed that morning coffee dance you described so beautifully. Marriage settles into a wonderful choreography, sometimes strenuous (especially when children are young) but also fluid and tranquil. Thank you for this lovely piece.
Truth emerges from living with open eyes and heart